obviously this has been eating at me.

You always tell me it will be okay. You tell me that when I'm worried about you or when I'm sad. You tell me it'll be okay. I'll be okay. The world will be okay. That's always your cure-all phrase. "You'll be okay." I'm trying to tell you the same thing now, so you can't actually be upset with me. Well you can be. But don't be.

Actually. It's not even that it will be okay.

It is  okay. Already. Presently. Nothing is not okay except for your emotions over the seeming un-okay-ness of things that seem pretty okay to me. I can't see what seems to be wrong, and you can't put into words what seems to be wrong. So what's wrong? Is anything wrong? Because it all looks pretty okay. I mean. I don't know. Isn't it?

I was even being nice. Like really nice, I think. I really was trying. Trying to understand or help. Assist. Listen. Anything.

It's not like I'm gonna be like "OH YAH YOU ARE FAIL." Because that's not even close to true. At all. So far from truth. LIES. That would be mean and rude and terrible to say!!

So. Just. I was trying to cheer you up by saying true, nice things, okay? I like you and you're great and it's sad that you're sad. I'm sad that you're sad and I can't do anything.

I'm a bit lost, because, well... You tell me it's all sucky but not why it's all sucky. So I'm confused and guessing.

Or maybe you don't want to even talk about it. I guess that makes sense too. And I just. Cues. I'm. Slow. And dumb. I'm like. A big, happy, dumb bear. Who wants to give you ice cream. And make things okay. I'm like "Roar?" In my friendly dumb bear voice. And I sit on a mossy log with my pint of cake ice cream and wait for you to spin your yarns. But maybe you don't want to knit an expositional sweater for my dumb bear ears. And I'm just like "Roarawr?" all the same.

You know, like, you could've asked me to like, fuck off, or just something. Or come over if you didn't want me to fuck off. I can't understand this middle-of-the-road thing. I can't tell what you want. Or need. Or wish you had. I don't know anything. I don't understand people. I'm not good. With the social. And the words.

But.

Well.

Whatever.

I'm sorry.

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Roar?