I've spent so long not caring about this sort of thing. But now that I realize everyone I like will leave if I don't tie them to me somehow, I want permanence and security. Now that I've realized she'll get married and settle down, he'll get married and run away, everyone will go? I want to beat them to it. I want to be the one to leave behind a void for once. I want to be the one who moves on to something better for once. I don't want the hurt of lost friends who forget my unimpressionable existence. I want to be the one who forgets.
I want someone I can keep and someone who will keep me.
And this realization of my desires and dependence makes me kind of ill.
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